Finding Empowerment Through Letting Go
Do you ever find yourself feeling caged like a bird, wings beating against the bars of a situation that you can’t see a way out of? Most people will experience feeling trapped or disempowered at different stages of their lives, and it’s often hard to know what to do about it. How do you open the door and fly to freedom?
There are many ways to change this sense of disempowerment, and many of them come down to our mindset around it. Through my work with Dr Gary Wohlman, I have discovered that one of the most effective options is to reflect on both the situation and myself – because often it is my own beliefs and experiences from past relationships that are holding me back and making me feel trapped.
Dr Gary explains this further in his book “Get Up, Stand Up For Your Life”, when talking about how past relationships affect our present. In Chapter Four of his book, there is a section called “Your Hunger For A Loving Connection”, which explains that relationships that have changed over time (for whatever reason) can leave a lingering “hunger”.
Through working with Dr Gary, I’ve discovered that this hunger that can consume people in the present and lead to feelings of disempowerment – particularly when current relationships or experiences have similar qualities to previous ones.
A good example is being in love and experiencing heartbreak. After having your heart broken, isn’t it harder to open up to love with someone else, for fear of being hurt? Even when you want to love again? How easy is it to feel torn and trapped by wanting love but also wanting to protect ourselves based on past relationship experiences?!
Dr Gary outlines a very simple but powerful communication exercise in his book to work through this inner conflict and find empowerment in the present. He also guides clients through it during his sessions, and I have found the process incredibly enlightening and freeing.
It’s a way of letting go of the hold a past relationship has over you, so that you can give yourself “the same quality of nurturing attention, kindness and loving care… that you have wanted so much, so long, from others out there.”
This process also works for relationships and experiences in other areas of life. Relationships with teachers, parents, bosses, colleagues and friends can all bind themselves to us in ways that hold us back. Even specific experiences with people, or criticism from them has a way of weaving itself into our psyche and making us doubt ourselves in the present, or feel stuck from fear a similar situation will happen again.